:) :) :)
How did I get here?
I stood there, staring into the white tiles before me as cold water drenched me - soaked every bit of me, made it’s way into my soul. My heart was filled up by the same cold water and it felt like an iceberg sitting in between my lungs, scratching the surfaces with every move I made and making it harder for me to breathe. So, I spaced out. I didn’t move. And for awhile, I was able to inhale and exhale.
A whole month more of living like this? Don’t you think that’s a tad bit unfair considering that I got so used to having you around?
The thing about absence and distance and compromising circumstances is that you never know what’ll happen because of them. Do they truly “make the heart grow fonder” or do they just make the heart forget?
You tell me things will be okay. You tell me we’ll be okay. You tell me you love me.
I’ve been told these things before and they were empty promises. They were just words - hollow words that didn’t mean a thing to the speaker but meant the world to me. I believed and I was crushed. More than crushed, I was shattered. I trust that you won’t do the same to me but I can’t help but have this tinge of fear lurking at the back of my mind and this ache in my heart, as if it’s preparing to be smashed once again. Like it’s just waiting.
I know this sounds like I’m giving up or something, but I’m not. I’m just trying to be ready for anything.
We haven’t had a decent conversation in days and then you tell me we might not even see each other over the weekend as we normally do. Do you know how hard that is for me? Yes, you go out with your friends and I go out with mine… But every night I wait for you. Every night, I wait for nothing. What’s worse is that I’m getting used to it.
So, I stood there, unmoving in the shower as I realized that I can live without you if I have to - I think I’ve got a knack for acceptance now - but I really really really don’t want to.
Hi Mags. OH LOOK A POST I CAN RELATE TO.
People picture us together. “A perfect couple”. and yet I’m here crying every night. My heart is so weary and so hurt from everything but ironically I’m scared to let you go. I don’t know how it feels to be out of your circle. I’ve gotten so used to you that I can’t just let you go. I don’t want to step into a world of unfamiliar. It hurts more to be in a foreign land and to figure things out on my own.
I’m sad but I’m scared. How troublesome.